Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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