i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
