does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
