We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
