nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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