I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
