do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
