im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
