if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
