i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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