Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
