So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
