i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
