Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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