all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
