Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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