y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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