Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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