I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
