I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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