We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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