not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
