I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
