I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
