So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
