if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
