the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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