If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
