So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
