Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
