Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
