:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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