Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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