It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
