i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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