It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
