You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
