Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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