In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
