what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
