i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
