you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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