I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
