I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
