he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
