Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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