Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
