Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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