i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
