wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
