I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
