first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Randomize
