Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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