peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
